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If you can't learn to do it well,
learn to enjoy doing it badly.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train
station is where a train stops -
on my desk I have a work
station...
Deep Thoughts - Maybe in order to
understand mankind, we have to look at the word
itself:
"Mankind". Basically, it's
made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind".
What do these words mean? It's
a mystery, and that's why so is mankind. - Jack
Handey
I don't understand you.
You don't understand me.
What else do we have in common?
Im as confused as a blind lesbian in a fish
market.
Life would be easier if I had the source
code.
Buy a Pentium II so you can reboot
faster.
All computers wait at the same
speed.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a
better idiot.
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling
in dead.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to
continue...
I came real close to seeing Elvis, then my
shovel broke.
The two most common elements in the
universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
I took an IQ test and the results were
negative.
Out of my mind. Back in five
minutes.
Oops. My brain just hit a bad
sector.
If at first you don't succeed, call it
version 1.0
The secret of Live: breath in, breath out,
repeat
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every
waking minute of it.
3 kinds of people: those who can count
& those who can't.
Where there's a will, I want to be in
it.
Double your drive space - delete
Windows!
C:\EARTH is 98% full. Please delete anybody
you can
3 out of 4 People make up 75% of the
population.
A dirty book is rarely
dusty.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking
other toys.
But what if I'm a figment of my OWN
imagination?
Celibacy is NOT hereditary.
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe
halted.
All those who believe in psychokinesis
raise my hand.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at
math.
Time is what keeps everything from
happening at once.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a
limited inventory.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my
clothes.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
It doesn't matter what temperature the room
is, it's always room temperature
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking
that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so
fast.
Why do kamikaze pilots wear
helmets?
Ever notice how fast Windows95 runs?
Neither did I.
Def: Real life; The thing you do between
down-loads.
...Every morning is the dawn of a new
error...
To err is human. To forgive...is to
err.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness
pays off NOW.
Always remember you're unique, just like
everyone else.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use
birth control.
I'm not as think as you drunk I
am.
Consciousness: That annoying time between
naps.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the
food chain to be a vegetarian.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with
battery.
For people who like peace and quiet: a
phoneless cord.
Don’t let your mind
wander...it’s too little to go out alone.
Microwave: Signal from a friendly
micro...
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless
bar.
I used to have a handle on life, then it
broke.
I plan to live forever or die
trying.
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